Xbox Generation

Have you ever noticed that children don't play outside anymore? Recently, going over to a friend's house has become sitting on a friend's couch while playing his xbox. He doesn't ignore me... he just doesn't respond very quickly. I miss him, I miss talking to him about pointless stuff, I miss being bored of him I miss getting mad at him I miss everything about him. he doesn't even care.

Make a wish!

So, my best friend is probably dead, and I cant fix it. How do i find her, where could she be? I left my 3 year old cleo with my older brother Ralph, and he lost her. She's in a strange neighborhood, miles away from home, and my parents' solution is to forget it. She'll turn up eventually, right? 16% of lost dogs ever make it back to their owners. the rest are stolen, thought to be strays, euthanized, or tortured by teenage boys. The idea of someone pouring gasoline  her and lighting her on fire scares me. Cleo is smart, though. she'll make it. A woman called me from missouri city pound they don't have her, but they are on the lookout. Hopefully someone will find her.

The song goes on without me...

I used to have an inspiration for music, the inspiration to sing and to write songs. That inspiration has left my lips and left my mind and hands to even put any words down on paper. I lose my tune every time I put a word down on paper and I lost my song, every time I record it, I completely just lose the point of the song being made and the inspiration to bother making the song over again. I used to have songs popping into my head non-stop, but now its nothing, but meaningless words that are empty.




Just once I wish that my inspiration to come back again and stay, just once I wish it something could give me that extra push for me to hit a note, a word, a song, even a verse at least. My inspiration was lost when I let the ridicule of those who disrespected me get under my skin. I let their ridicule and negativity consume my mind, killing my inspiration for my voice to even bother being heard on a recorder, or any song at all.



Their ridicule ate my inspiration, spat it out, walked all over it, and broke it to pieces. Those pieces now cannot be mended even if I tried it can't be sewn together, like broken glass the pieces were shattered and never found. When I had my voice I would be singing like nothing, although I wouldn't let anyone hear me. But when I tried to show it, I choked up, I froze, I lost it, and every inch of my voice cracked. No tune, no melody, just words coming out of my mouth, as I stand under a spotlight trying to sing.



After it was all over, all I got was ridicule, sarcasm, knowing that I had messed up. I knew I had already been looked down, that didn't change anything before. When I try to change it the words kicked my ass like I never actually practiced the song at all.

Women logic

I like how you give me hope when I need it, I like how you push me through the loop holes when I, myself can't see them. I like how you give me hope, but knowing that opportunity will never come true. I like how sometimes I try but its always hidden and when I don't show what I try to you, you seem to noticed. I like how you see something in me that other people don't see.

I like how you see me for me, while others see me for the wrongs I had done in the past. I like how you always say I deserve better than what I have, when I know I really don't deserve much at all. I like how everything has a light and dark side to it and its always difficult to tell. I can't say I'm perfect because no one is perfect, and I can't be selfish even if I wanted to, but what's wrong with selfish, and if love is a crime, then punish me because I would die for you. Would you notice, if I told you something you would least expect, would you look at me like what the hell, or just push me out of the way like nothing really happened?

You're everything I've been looking for, and you're everything I want. You're beyond perfect, and you always make me smile, you always say things at the right moment, even if its out of the blue. You say the sweetest things to me, and prove to me that you're different from every other person out there, who says one thing but does another. Everyday you're full of surprises, and everyday I can never get tired of talking to you or saying the same things to you everyday. You always make me happy, even when I'm sad, you make me blush, even if I feel shy, you always make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world for you. You're all I want and you're beyond the perfect person for me.

You're everything I want, you're everything I need, you're everything I've been looking for. You say all the right things at the right time, and I can never get enough of you. You're amazing beyond words and when it all comes down to you I can never do anything but appear speechless and smile. Even if I'm around you, I still miss you, and even when we're far apart I would always miss you. You stole my heart and made me feel like the happiest and the luckiest girl in the world. You're always down for me, and I'm always going to be down for you, because your the best thing that has ever happened to me

Jordan-I mean "first"

WOW. I can’t believe that first actually asked me out. He said, and I quote “ I’m so lucky ’cuz I have you.” I was like “hee hee... ’kay.” I can’t believe my awesome luck, to have HIM ask ME, especially considering my completely rotten luck with guys.  Did I mention the fact that he’s 20? or that I’m 17? Or that I’ve no business with someone three years older than me? But he’s so much more of a gentleman than I would have thought. I knew him as a paintball loving kid, the kind with a pierced ear and  a one-way ticket to the world of unemployment.  I never knew that he was so… romantic. I always thought that first was just, well… first. He has a job as a petrographic assistant or something, cutting rocks into small sections to be looked at under an electron microscope. He has a legitimate scientific job that pays well, and I’m… a burrito roller. At least I’m in school full time as well. I still don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship, but first is too immature to be able to hurt me. not like Ryan did. Now I’m of consenting age, and I’m forgetting the things that were done to me, I’m moving on, because there's really no more time to cry over what has happened, right? It’s not too sad, because I’ve learned how to handle this type of situation. My new boyfriend will be managed, because I will not let that happen to me. Not again.

Heh Heh. I'm in love

So my date with Jordan went amazingly well, and he actually text messaged me back after like a week. To "sext."  I replied no, and he said goodnight. Womanizer.

I really like him, so much so that he's the new "first" on the table. He wanted to know whether or not me and fifth fooled around and I was so happy that he was jealous at the idea of me hanging out with another guy. I really think that he'd ask me out if I wasn't such a ditz around him. Of course, he wants to know just how I am with other guys, and I am terrible at handling this situation.