We can talk for hours on end abut absolutely nothing. He makes me smile, he knows what I need, and what I've gone through, and he accepts me for who I am. I can't really say the same about any other person I've ever met. It makes me feel... happy. I can't believe that I'm in school and the only thing I can think about is him, the only thing I want to do is get good grades o that I can be wth him. It makes me want to scream in fright, in joy, in passion. He used the word mairrage when I asked him what love meant to him. I want to live with him and be his wife. I don't know when we will get together, or what we will end up doing as a couple, or even where we would be. All I know is that this time my feelings are to be trusted. This IS just a crush, but he is a genuinely good person, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Sometimes the words can't come out of my mouth right, like I'm jammed, like my gears won't turn right, but he sees through it all and makes me into this fantastical person. I weigh 25 kilograms more than he does, but I am amazed that he will accept me at this, my heaviest weight, and can still call me beautiful. I love him with an intensity like no other, as we cannot have a physical relationship, but the Micah thing will NOT happen again. I refuse to let it get that bad. I will do everything in my power to make sure that it doesn't happen. I want this to work.
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