Playing Guitar 'till my fingers rot

   Sometimes, I just think that you don't give a hoot. My english teacher wants us to keep journals for extra credit... HAHAHA... I guess I'll just print out some pages. "Second" and I are "friends" again, although I'm not really sure that I want to have friends. They all seem to be more trouble than they are worth. I miss "the first," last name Hadfield. I still can't believe the fact that he'll have nothing to do with me... Even after 2 years. Where's Joan Jett when you need her? "Fifth," last name Meece, was at dark park today. Lame. He waited there all day long just for a chance to talk to Second (Lauren). Maybe he loves her. Yeah, because everyone loves fifteen year olds.  It's 11:30, and I'm planning for the worst, be it a zombie apocolypse, running away from the police, or just a simple hurricane. Nineteen windows. Seventeen boards. Eight steps. Six doors. One typewriter. Zero hour. HaHa this sounds like a cheesy dime novel synopsis..
   I got the wig from Lonnie... Second absolutely loves it. They think it's the shizz. I think it got really ratty this past year...


Here's a poem for first, in hopes that one day he will see it.


It hurts to go one day without you...
Somehow, I've managed two years
                  So  cruel 
                   the truth 
                   so cold 
                   I realize
 I've developed a dependency on
you, & I'm suffering withdrawals.


         Why so? 
         The cause  
          is my pain.    
          it becomes  
          too much 
          To bear alone, I miss you.     
          "Please come back to me"
          I wanted so badly to say. 

                      And Yet 
         I see you             and I'm  
  Filled with                    the hatred 
      of all                           my lies 
          and all             my secrets 
                     I'm done.

  Why do                               I keep   
        Telling                    Myself 
            These                Lies? 
                I know          He
                     Won't love
                            Me

         So eloquently, you speak
         to me, as if this were a game
         do you
         have a
         clue as
         to what you've done to me?
         You're really that oblivious,
         aren't you?
         I can't
         Believe
         All the things you used to tell
         me, the things we used to do. 

            you must
            really not get it.
            I was          ALWAYS
            There            For you.
            When             You were
            angry,             when you 
            used to             hit me, I 
            couldn't         even think
            straight,          but you
            were happy. Things
             are better now. 





        and then                 there's the
          fact that            I never felt
               safe           around you.
                  you        made me  
                   cry   much more
                    Than Any
                     Person
                      Ever,
                     Made
                 Me feel
                  USED.

                   But Prom  
        was so             different. 
     I really                     thought
   that you                     loved me 
   The next                  day, you     
       completely     Broke my 
                    HEART...

You know,                you never  
really did                  apologize.
I'm sorry                    for every 
thing I've                    Put you 
Through,                    and I just 
figured that you really wouldn't
   read my 100 reasons if I gave
                                  them to you.